Today, my friend Sane brought me a piece of cake wrapped in foil. She came early in the morning, on her way to work, saying she only had a minute. She handed it to me and said, “Happy Mother’s Day.” And somehow, that small act opened something in me.
Happy Mother’s Day to us. To the mothers in exile. To the displaced mothers. To the mothers surviving in unfamiliar countries while their children sleep somewhere else in the world.
Because Mother’s Day can feel complicated when your children are not physically with you.
There are mothers here carrying the unbearable ache of distance every single day. Mothers who wake up and check their phones before they even check themselves, hoping there is no emergency from home. Mothers sacrificing from their tiny allowances to send money back for school fees, medicine, food, rent, uniforms, and survival.
Some of us do not even feel like mothers anymore because we cannot physically hold our children. And yet we are still parenting constantly.
We parent through video calls. Through voice notes. Through advice sent across bad internet connections. Through prayers whispered before sleeping. Through fear. Through guilt. Through survival.
There are moments when your child is sick, and all they want is your hug, your touch, your presence, and you cannot give it. Moments when they cry through a screen, and you sit helplessly on the other side of the world, feeling like your heart is breaking in real time.
There are moments when you discipline them over the phone because what they did was wrong, but after the call ends, you sit there replaying their face in your mind, wanting to soften it with a hug, and wanting them to know that correction is not the absence of love.
“Distance doesn't only change geography. It changes how you mother too. You learn how to hug with words, comfort through silence, and love people you cannot physically reach. ”
Happy Mother’s Day to the mothers surviving distance while loving with their whole hearts.
“Today I am celebrating the mothers who love across distance. We may be far away, but our children are still carried in every decision, every prayer, every dream, and every part of who we are. ”
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Email: gracielunahsteph@gmail.com
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Gracie Lunah Steph is a writer, researcher, and intersectional strategist working at the intersection of disability justice, LGBTQ+ rights, and displacement. She is the co-founder of the Diverse Empowerment Foundation and the recipient of the 2023 Hivos International Activist Award. Her work has engaged the UN CRPD, UNFPA, and advocacy networks across six continents. She is based in the Netherlands.
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